When I was younger I remembered many of the things told to me about what would happen when I became an adult. They always told me that when I became an adult everything would fall into place. I would realize what I wanted to do with my life, get a job, and everything would be great. However, now that my birthday is nine days away I’m not so sure about that anymore. Since I became an adult I haven’t felt any different. I’m not the same naïve little girl I used to be. I have better understanding about things too that I didn’t have in my childhood. I know things in life don’t just happen, if I don’t work for them.
I had to work hard to get through college then when things became too hard I reached out which resulted in getting the help I needed when I wanted to give up. I’ve been job searching and it’s not the most fun thing to do. However, I’m still looking for work which won’t stop, until I can find a job. I know that I’ll have to budget when I do move out. I’ll have to make sure that my bills are paid and I have enough money for food. I might be optimistic, but I want to put some money away for fun things too. One of the things I want to do is finally travel out of town to visit people and conventions too.
On top of all that I’m still trying to figure out what I want from my life.
Since I could remember my thought process has always been “get through school with minimal problems as possible”. Now that I’m out I’m not sure what my new goal should be since grad school isn’t happening for at least a year or two. Besides, the obvious one of being able to support myself I know that one of the main goals I want from my life is to be comfortable and happy.
I know, I know that sounds so cliché, but I really do want that. I’d like to be able to wake up one day without being bogged down by depression or high struck due to anxiety. Then there’s the fun combination where I’m depressed over something then anxious over the thing I don’t know I’m supposed to be depressed about. Being able to wake up peaceful isn’t too overarching a goal. I’d like to think it’s not.
Whenever I talk about that sometimes I get some weird looks because my goals aren’t something big like “win a million dollars” or “be known worldwide”. Honestly if I ever get a large amount of money I would put a good chunk of it away for a rainy day. After that I would get my dream car, a nice apartment, a cat, a good computer, a beautiful notebook, and beautiful pens. Not to mention I would love to be able to go out and travel whenever I want to, but other than that I’m good.
Another thing I noticed I’m not hard pressed about getting married either. If that works for others then I’m all for it, but I’m figuring out that I’m not thinking about it as much as I thought I would. What I really want is to be welcomed anywhere I go by people who know me. As long as I can have that then I’ll be happy.
Maybe I’ll get that urge to be married and have a family one day. Maybe I won’t who knows? For now I want to make sure my life is comfortable and finding others that will make me feel welcome too.
Along with being able to live a comfortable life, of course.