So it’s my first week since being a graduate and it feels different. I have a class that I’m taking at the recommendation of my advisor, but it’s not the same as the schedule I used to have when I was going to school full time. I don’t really consider it a class either since it’s so short, but things have been good so far. I’m still super nervous about everything though like I spent my last semester working out ways to graduate which varied from family reasons to my own and now that I’m here I don’t know how to react. I’ve been looking up life after college and I’m not sure which methods to follow.
I’ve read the same that everyone is making it up as we go along, but I can’t pinpoint if the reason I feel so unsure is if it’s the normal way to feel after college or if my anxiety and depression is messing up with it. One of the things that my anxiety likes to do is convince me that things are going to be awful while my depression lets me know that things that are going to be worst. That’s something that I haven’t been able to read for life after college.
How do you handle life after college when your anxiety and depression keeps telling you that it’s going to be awful? Well, I do know that when I walked across the stage I felt really happy. There were so many times that I thought I wasn’t going to graduate. I really got ready to drop out because I nearly let my anxiety and depression talk me into it. It took a lot of talking with my friends and using sticky notes to convince myself that it would happen. Man, there were so many times I can remember breaking down, skipping assignments, and reaching the point where I figured that I could fail this class what would be the problem. I’m just really glad that I stuck it out and kept going.
I am pretty proud that I didn’t let those two things stop me, but it wasn’t easy. I can’t even begin to describe how when my environment around me changed so drastically how it messed with my mind. My anxiety talked so much during those times that I always had to sit down and write out that things were going to be fine, but they wouldn’t be fine if I didn’t get up and do it. My depression made it hard for me to get out of bed some mornings and go on campus. There were some times I did skip on campus. If it felt like it was too much I didn’t go to class. It helped me feel better afterwards I have to admit, though now I have to try and figure out how do I work with this?
I know when I do find a job I can’t just not go or skip if things get too much. I think that before I get a job I’m going to have to see a doctor first. I know that my anxiety becomes super bad when I start new things because I automatically think that no one is going to like me. I know that some people won’t like me, but I tend to think that it’s everyone so I know I’ll need some help there. Then there’s my depression that’s going to act up and it’s going to really tire me out. I guess for me life after college will be more how do I join the working world while keeping myself intact.
I’m pretty sure I can do it I just hope it will be easier.
I’m trying to have a good feeling about this week too! I hope the week goes well for all of you too ^_^