Sorry for the absence of last week, but life am I right? Well, let’s jump right on in! I am so happy to announce that I’ll be graduating soon! I have one full semester before I will be a college graduate! However, I am very nervous and scared about what comes next. I’ve been in school for so long that I didn’t think I would ever graduate. I didn’t have this feeling when I first entered college. When I first enrolled, I looked forward to graduating with my degree in Elementary Education. I defended it when people talked down about it, I showed them my progress, and I made sure to always let people know that there was nothing wrong with my field. However, my feelings towards the program changed after they told me that I had four more years before I graduated. Not to mention more hours with children after I did over sixty. I was already pushing four to five years in the program, however they told me that it didn’t count because I didn’t go through the spring/summer semester. I tried to ask them if there was something I could do to work it out, but that didn’t work. In the end I had to make a decision, try to go through my program while being disillusioned with education or change my major to a subject that I liked.
This happened during the fun time when my depression and anxiety was high from the stress of school and my father’s passing, so I didn’t know what to do. I thought that I had failed somehow and that there was no reason to keep going through school. It took me a lot to be able to get up and go down to campus when all I wanted to do was stay in my room all day. I fell into a routine where I would go on campus, but would skip my classes because I didn’t see a point to it. A few days before I had to fill out the paperwork to change my major I took a day off and walked around a bit. It helped me clear my head since I thought my work had been wasted. After my walk and some sweet things to eat, I stopped beating myself up over it. I made a decision that my meeting to change my major would help me decide if I would stay or go. When the day arrived I was so nervous I could barely eat. I almost left before they called me, but I stayed and they walked me through the process.
It turned out that my work hadn’t been wasted after all. I had enough English classes to spend only a little bit more time in school before I could graduate. My time had been cut down from four years to an extra one. I couldn’t believe it. I was so excited that I almost dropped my pen while trying to sign the paperwork. I took some classes that helped me keep my decision to stay in college for me and not for anyone else. Though I did tell my one teacher that her class helped me decide if I wanted to stay or not and she felt pretty good about that XD. I even got help for my math class (since I’m not good in math ><), went to therapy, and found some books to help keep my confidence up when my anxiety and depression flares up. (I’m trying not to get on meds because of insurance, pay, and other things.) I can say that changing majors went from being the worst thing ever to being one of the greatest things that’s ever happened to me. If I didn’t switch my major I wouldn’t have decided to start up this blog again or return to my story or study editing again.
So while this journey hasn’t been easy I’m glad that I stuck to it.
Now I just have to keep up this momentum when I graduate and not worry about it too much. 🙂
I’m curious for the people that are in college, have gone, and everything in between: