I’ll take the challenge

I saw this on Opinionated Man’s blog and thought I would join in too. The challenge is here and here’s my contribution.

You sit down in front of your computer, trying to figure out what to write, when that annoying thought comes back. Who do you write for? Why do you write? You shake your head as a way to get rid of it, but it doesn’t work for very long. It comes back when you hit your first paragraph. Who do you write for? Your family? Friends? Do you write a story based on your experiences or do you venture out? Do you write about your day or that awesome cat video you saw on tumblr? Do you rant about things in the world or about your growing college debt?

You have a lot to choose from that it’s a bit overwhelming at first. There’s so many things to write about, but you’re afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone. What if you accidentally offend someone? What if someone tells you it’s not authentic? Even though you’re writing about your race. What if there’s something you’re missing? Something you don’t realize, until after you hit send. After a while that little thought grows into something that drags the other things in your head along.

Next thing you know anxiety has joined the party with depression waltzing in demanding for a dance. You look at your documents and wonder if you should just delete everything to hide the embarrassing stories you wrote at fourteen. Your hand hovers over the mouse, ready to click delete, but instead you check your email.

You go through the same messages about cheap pills at cheaper prices, amazon deals, and university stuff that you don’t want to think about right now. You scroll down and see nothing interesting until you see comment in the subject line. You click on it, thinking it’s another person telling you to never write again, when it’s someone telling you to keep the good work up. You’re convinced it’s a joke at first. Why would someone like your story when there are better ones out there? You read it again to make sure it’s real.

It’s real.

You can’t stop smiling as you scroll through your email again and see one from your friend asking about your current WiP, then another comment on an old story, and another one. With each comment your unwanted guests start going away. Your confidence starts coming back as anxiety takes a walk with depression far away from the new party going on. You know they’re right around the corner, ready to crash the party at any moment, but you know that you have help kicking them out next time.

You minimize the browser window and from those entertaining cat videos. You stare at the blinking cursor that doesn’t scare you for once, and begin to type.

You know there’s always going to be someone who will tell you to stop along with those unwanted guests in your head, but there will be that one person tell you to keep going. That one person who will help you invite the guests on the list.

You don’t know if the party analogy will work, but you don’t worry about it.

You give it another check and hit send.

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One thought on “I’ll take the challenge

  1. Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
    I like the thought process behind this post. Reminds me of some of my own internal questions. Thanks for the post and for taking part! -OM
    Note: Comments disabled here, please comment on their post.

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