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Greeting Page

welcome

Hello! Welcome to my blog! My name is P.L.Black, Penelope works fine too. Glad you found your way over here I have a couple of things that might interest you. If you like stories, you’re in luck I have many! I’m a writer and there’s nothing I love more than coming up with worlds or situations to put my characters in. If you’re interested here my serial fiction I’m also featured at Wattpad under the same name. It has a lot of good stories too!

If you’re not looking for fiction or you’d like to see something else I post about my college experience, stories that started my journey towards serial fiction, and my hobbies. They’re right here if you’d like to see them.

Currently I’m working on a schedule after taking an unexpected hiatus.

If that’s not your thing and you’d like to talk sure! Drop me a line at penelopeblack15@gmail.com.

Welcome!

Enjoy you stay!

random ramblings

Being Thankful

Photo by August de Richelieu on Pexels.com

It’s The Most Wonderful Time of The Year…

How is it this close to the end of the year already? I have to say that this year actually feels like time has passed instead of the last two years where it felt like I was stuck in the same loop everyday. Work played a part of it, but I think that not going out messed up my time more than I thought. Sometimes I forget that the world was on pause for two years, that doing things I used to do feels like I have to do it all over again. I went to two conventions this year, yet it still feels like I didn’t. I went back to school to get my master’s degree, which I’m still doing, but I took a break though it still doesn’t feel like any time has passed. 

Sometimes I wonder if this is a good thing. During the time of my grief I didn’t notice time at all. It took a call from a trusted family member to let me know that it was already Thanksgiving when they told me that I couldn’t believe it. There are times I can’t believe that time has passed, but I’m glad that I can actually feel the time changing as opposed to before when everything felt like one long day. I always compared it to the Sims, one of my favorite games, where the days can play out basically the same if you want them too. Still, I’m happy that I was able to accomplish these small things this year so that makes me feel good.

What am I thankful for?

Around this time of year I do start to think about what has happened then what I want to happen. This year I am thankful that I got a chance to go traveling again! I hung out with my friends who I haven’t seen in two years and got a chance to let loose in my fan setting. In the beginning of the year I had a small relationship that ended as fast as it started, but it did get me thinking about what I would like in a partner. I haven’t given up my desire to start a family one day. I don’t think I’m being too picky, but it always changes with each person so who knows! I do know that I am capable of getting a date! (I just wished it wasn’t always when I have food in my mouth like a chipmunk.) 

I’m thankful that I still have my family with me. That might seem like a cliched, general statement, but it’s true. We’re all doing alright, nothing has disrupted the flow, and I want to keep that going for as long as I can. I know that everyone’s situation with their families is different. My family has had their highs and lows like any others. One of the things that no one tells you about grief is that healing comes in different ways. Some days have been harder than others, but I feel that I’m in a good place now where I can move forward so I’m thankful for that.

I’m thankful that despite all the ups and downs of the economy we’re doing alright. We’re not rich or anything, but I still have enough to buy food, pay for my car, etc., These things might sound like they’re not big things, but they are to me. I know that things can change at a blink of an eye so I don’t take these things for granted. 

Me and The Flow of Time

Between the pandemic and everything going on this year it’s made me think about how time can feel different. It’s not the same as when my dad died and everything was fast forwarding around me while I felt like I was going in slow mode. It’s a different type of feeling. During the two years when everything was shut down it felt like time stopped. Now with everything opening, people traveling, and conventions happening again it feels like time is slowly starting again. Sometimes I forget that we spent two years on and off on lockdown because it doesn’t feel like two years have passed. Time is a funny thing, isn’t it? Sometimes I can’t believe that we were on lockdown and we had to time when we could go to the store. After catching covid (which will be a post for another day) it has made me want to try more things that I backed down from before. 

One of the things that I’m really grateful for this year is being able to see another year. While I’m glad that I didn’t have to go to the hospital when I caught covid I’ve read how bad it can be and how the effects are still out there. As with everyone I’ve lost some family to the pandemic, but I’ve noticed that great things are happening to my family and friends as well. 

A Time to Reflect

There are still some things that I am working on such as learning to accept more people, trying not to bail out of a relationship, and trying to reach out to new people. However, I don’t spiral anymore when I think about myself. Whenever Thanksgiving rolled around in the past I would think about ways I could approve when it hit me. I’ve been doing my best despite everything that’s been thrown my way. 

Finally accepting that the things I want to change are more for myself than for others made me see this holiday differently. I’ve finally gotten over wishing I could be this imaginary person that other people want. I’m over my bitterness towards the holiday too. My first relationship ended on Thanksgiving, but now I can enjoy it again. I’m thankful for that too. 

While there will still be times I ask myself if there’s anything I can improve on I don’t hold myself accountable whenever I have a bad day. I still have a chance to keep going. I still can change things. I’m still here so I’m thankful.

Eating some good food always helps too.

Is there anything you’re thankful for? I’d love to know!

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Feeling Free

Photo by Jason Toevs on Pexels.com

So in September I took a trip to San Antonio, Texas where I got a chance to visit some friends, make some new ones, watch Encanto, and take some time to think. Lately, I’ve been wondering what I want to do with my career. I haven’t been enjoying my current place for a while and I’ve been working on changing it. I don’t know if it’s because I’m in my 30s now or I can think clearly now, but I want to make some changes to my life. There’s something about being in the air that makes me think about everything and anything all at once. 

Traveling and Thoughts

Whenever I go somewhere new I think about if it’s a place I’d like to move to in the future. I wouldn’t move right now since my state is a pretty cheap place to live, even if the wintertime feels like it’s going to last forever, still I’ve been wanting to move to a new place for a while. I don’t know if I would stay there for long, but I’ve always been the one to want to try something new just to see if I would like it. I have family I want to reconnect with in the south. Not to mention I have such a nice feeling every time I go down south. There’s something about walking about with friends in Texas, Georgia, or Alabama that helps me feel loose and free. Maybe it’s the feeling of being with my friends or stepping away from the many responsibilities at home for awhile or getting a chance to see the clouds that helps clear my mind.

The Perks of Traveling

One of the things I’ve really enjoyed has been the ability to go traveling since I started working and it’s been really fun. I get the chance to go to different places which makes me think about if I would want to live there someday. I remember the first time I traveled to meet friends I was so nervous. I checked my ride, my flight, made sure I packed everything, and texted my mom the whole time. When we took off I got so nervous I squeezed a small soft item I had bought with me to help calm my nerves then we were in the air. I couldn’t believe that I had done it. I saved my money, booked my ticket, and was on the plane. I always talked about it then I did it!

Traveling Anxiety and Me are repairing our relationship

It might not be a lot to some people since they can travel without much problem, but for me it meant a lot because I did it without backing down because of my anxiety. Many times I’ve backed out of opportunities in my life because of my anxiety. As much as I look forward to new things it won’t be long before my anxiety flares. Then I back down or have to talk myself down so I can go forward with it. Yes, I know I should probably look into help, but I’m in a good place right now so I want to keep going at it.

Whenever I’m in the air my mind starts wandering to different things since it’s quiet and I can be with my thoughts. I think about where my life has been, where it can go, and the changes I could make to it. Some thoughts that have been in the back of my mind comes back such as dating, moving, trying to go back to my old hobbies like jewelry making, and picking up another one like crocheting. Then I think about how high we are where I can only see the clouds. Where in that moment I can’t even see the ocean, but I know it’s there. Then it’s not long before we land and I get distracted looking at the differences at the state. 

It’s true what they say about Texas

This is a picture I took! This was so tasty!

That saying is true, everything is much bigger in Texas! I even saw a shop that sells cowboy hats and accessories! We don’t have that in my state. We have more stores that sell winter gear than cowboy hats, but it’s always great to see what other states have. 

I always get sad when I have to leave. I miss my friends, the food, and the wonderful places I saw. But knowing I can always get back on the plane to be back in the air where I can feel free up in the air helps me get through the tough days. It might be silly to have these feelings about being in an airplane, but I like it.

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Education and me: It’s Complicated

I have a complicated relationship when it comes to education. On one hand I’ve always loved learning new things. The minute Google came around I was so excited cause I could look up different things that would have taken ages before. When I was in school I enjoyed my classes even if I didn’t understand some of the harder concepts in math and science I tried my best at it. I learned how to respect the subjects I had problems with during college which led to me getting my bachelor degree. I still enjoy learning new things after I graduate. Even now in grad school I look forward to my classes, but working for education is another story.

I started my career in education in 2016. I will admit that while I enjoyed my classes and learning I had lost a lot of faith in education. I applied for the job because I had bills to pay and had experience so it was the easiest thing for me to do. While my first year was the easiest (which is another story for another time) I started to really enjoy working there. I liked my job and working with students. I started to think maybe I could go back to become a teacher then have my classroom again before going on to do something else in the field. I received my certification a month before the pandemic happened optimistic that things would turn around.

Then the pandemic happened.

That’s when everything for me changed. 

I thought I had become used to the comments that came with my job. Being accused of not caring enough or not doing enough for the students or even being told that what I was doing was not a real job was something I grew used to. However, with the pandemic came a new wave of phrases and thinking that at times I couldn’t believe people would say. I understand that I chose this job, but at the same time I feel that I shouldn’t have to accept every piece of criticism tossed my way. 

Then there was the way that people in education went from being called heroes to ungrateful in a blink of an eye. Between my family working in the field before joining myself I’ve heard many different opinions about how different things used to be. It sounded like there was more respect back then than now which is something I wish would happen. I know that with every job there are pros and cons to it. I took education because I enjoyed helping students and making connections. Now I don’t know if I can even confidently say that anymore. 

I’m conflicted about it. I feel that education is important and everyone should have a chance to experience it, but when it comes to working in the field I’m having second thoughts about it. I know that I still want to experience learning as a student. It’s something that I’ve always been passionate about which won’t change. Since going back to grad school I found that there are more subjects I want to learn more about.  

But with the school year starting once again I find myself asking the question: should I try to go back to the classroom?

I wish I had an answer for that question. 

Maybe I’ll be able to find it one day. 

random ramblings

My 20s vs 30s

Hello everyone! I hope this week has been treating you well. So before I go back to my schedule posts where I talk about school and my hobbies I’m working on free writing posts like this one. Whenever I’m not busy with my job or school I sometimes think back to where my life has been now. It doesn’t feel too long since I’m now 33. I don’t mind letting others know about my age either since I’m always grateful to see another year. Despite the world being the way it is now I’m always happy that I made it to another year. That’s how I always try to see it. I remember when my group of friends in college were getting close to turning 30. Many times we talked about where we would like to be if we would like to get married, have children, and the other things that our parents went through at our age. 

When my parents were my age they already had me and my siblings. They had an apartment, jobs, and cars. Now that I’m at that age I have a job, a car, and that’s it. While I would like to look for a place I still haven’t made the decision if I want to live by myself or with a roommate. I still would like to have a family one day so I am slowly making steps towards that. (Since my dating history hasn’t been the best, but that’s a topic for another day.) At first I used to look at these things as something small, until I think about my 20s. 

My 20s weren’t the best time in my life. I lost my dad at 21 where I had to watch his battle with cancer then trying to navigate the next part after he passed. I went to the free therapy services at my campus. I tried to focus all my attention on my hobbies, though it’s hard to enjoy things during grief. There are a lot of things that happened that I can’t remember. I feel that’s my brain trying to protect me since I was also in the worst depression of my life. I managed to get out of it around 24/25 when I ended up losing my grandpa then had to navigate life after that event. I really didn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel until I was 28.  When I was 28 I finally got a job, got a car, and started to finally see out of that tunnel. 

Now that I’m in my 30s everything kind of fell into place for me in different areas. I stopped worrying so much about how people would see me. I finally accepted that no matter how nice I can be to someone they can still find something about me that they don’t like so I just roll with it. I started embracing the hobbies that people used to make fun of me over. In the process I ended up finding some great people that introduced me to more great people. I have more confidence in myself too. There are still some things I’m working on, though I can say I want to go out into the world more than before. There’s something freeing about not worrying about the things I used to in my 20s.

There are going to be some things I’ll have to work on in the future such as grief. While it’s been about twelve years since my dad died there are still times I wish he was here with me, especially while I try to navigate my career in education. There’s also my career since I’m coming up on my sixth year working in education. I still can’t believe I ended up going back, but I am discovering that I still like learning things. I was just frustrated at the time. Looking back it probably wasn’t my best idea to go back to school a month after my dad died. However, I do like discovering more about the education career so we’ll see where we go from there. I’m also trying to put myself out there more to get to know more people. I’m a pretty shy person. I’ve been quiet for most of my life and keep my hobbies to myself. Now I’m slowly letting people in. I don’t think I’ll ever be an outgoing person, but I do go out more. 

When it comes to other parts of my life I’m doing my best not to rush them, though with the way things are I have no choice, but to take things slowly. I want to finish grad school since I’m doing it this time using a payment plan where I pay out of pocket. It’s going to take me a little longer. I took out loans during my undergrad year that I’m doing my best to avoid. I want to travel out of the country one day soon. I want to visit Japan and do the England tour I was going to go on with my dad. There are still a couple of places in America I want to visit too. I still want to see Las Vegas, California, Portland, and New Orleans. 

I’m going back to look at my stories too. I wrote so many stories in a depressive haze at three in the morning, posted them, then wouldn’t look back. Now that my mind is clearer I’m looking back at things to try to clean up and fix. I have my original stories to go back too so we’ll see how it goes. I do know that I want to finish them up so I’m getting back to doing it again. I’m mostly trying to work through the fears I used to have in my 20s. 

I know that my 30s are different from my parents. I know that there are still things I need to work on that have lingered since my childhood. I know that there’s no way I can know what’s going to happen in the future, but I know that I’m looking forward to it. 

How do you guys feel about getting older? I’d love to hear it!

Announcements

Long time no see everyone!

Hi everyone! Welcome back to my blog! It’s been a long time hasn’t it? I looked back at my last post and it’s about five or six years and a lot has happened during that time. I got a job, a car, lost my first car to an accident, got a second one, got a better job, and now back in school. It’s been quite the change and sometimes I can’t believe how much time has passed. When I first started this blog I was in my twenties trying to finish undergraduate school. I didn’t have an idea what I wanted to do with my life at the time. Now I’m in my thirties working in education, though I’m still questioning if I want this to continue. I have so many different plans for where I want my life to go that I haven’t settled on it right now. I guess that’s something that doesn’t change even as I grow older. 

Another thing that I’ve been thinking about is getting older. I don’t mind getting older, but the other day when I was cleaning out my room to put in a new piece of furniture I found a list I made when I was a senior in high school about to graduate. On the list I had a small plan for what I wanted to do in the future. On that list included going to college, getting married, starting a family, having a place of my own, having a car, graduating college, and other little things I put on the side. I made that list when I was 17, now I’m 32 and going to be 33 soon where I’ve only done a couple of those things. I graduated college, managed to buy my own car, got a job, and have traveled out of state a few times before the pandemic hit. There are times where I do feel like I should be somewhere else in my life, but I take stock in all that I’ve been through and come to the conclusion that I’m doing alright.

Looking back at that list I wrote it when I was a teenager when things in my life pretty much went through a routine. I would go to school, go home, hang out with my friends on the weekend, have dinner, go to sleep, then wake up to do it all over again. Now that I’m an adult my life does a similar routine of going to work then going home to sleep to do it all over again, but I try to change it up here or there. I know that at the time I would have never guessed that I would lose my dad then my grandpa three years after that or the depression I fell into in my early 20’s that I didn’t come up from until I was 26. Or that trying to graduate from college would be much harder than I thought or looking for a job and trying to find my place in education. (All topics that I’m going to be writing about in the future.) I haven’t even touched on my relationships or trying to start dating again. Well, my friendships have gone up and down as it does and my romantic life is okay at best. 

Now I’m back in school as a grad student trying to use my certification, but I still don’t like how expensive it is. I do know that being a grad student is much different than being an undergrad student. I still don’t have a set idea on what I’d like to do. I still want to try teaching in Japan for a year at least, especially now that I know more people, and I won’t be going to try to run away from something in my life. I want to go now because I genuinely want to see what it’s like to live in another country. I still want to try living by myself for a bit before looking for someone to be with. My ideal relationship is one where I don’t feel like it’s a bother that I have to share a space with someone, though I feel that’s more of a talk for later. Having my own car is nice. I like being able to go whenever I want to then come home. I still want to explore more places in my city then try to go further in Michigan. Sometimes I get caught up in my routine of going to work then going home and once I’m home I don’t move. However, the older I become the more I want to explore. I know that it’s possible to do this at any age even if I felt like my twenties would be much better, I feel like I’m more capable of doing more now since I have more money than I did in my twenties. 

Some things have changed such as me trying to narrow down some things in my life while some things have stayed the same. I still like doing my hobbies, still love the color purple, still love pens, still love video games, anime, cooking, cooking shows, cute things, and horror (the last one always surprises people). Then there are new things I want to return to like learning Japanese, going back to making jewelry, and wanting to explore more places. I’m trying to return to writing more along with updating things slowly too. 

With the many things that have happened in my life I realized that I can slowly go back to doing things like writing and continuing my original stories. It’s something that I’ve always done and this time I want to keep going. We’re going to be entering summer break soon so I think it’s a good time to get back into this. I miss writing so I want to slowly get back into it. I want to go back to writing more of my original stories too. 

Life has been really different these few years, but I still want to see what’s next.

I hope you all have found something to go back to or something new during this time too.  

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Fiction: Advice

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Hello everyone! We’re back to another end of the month which means another story! This month has been a bit of a blur to me, especially towards the end, but I have another story for you all! We’re still on Sam and Ed, this time around we’re going to focus on Ed and his thoughts. We’re also going to be introduced to some of his family too. I hope that everyone had a good month! And the next month will be a good one too! Okay, let’s begin!

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Fiction: Memories

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Hello everyone! We’re back with another month finished which means another chapter of Sam and Ed! Now I worked really hard to have them be nervous over having crushes on each other while trying to make sure that the other doesn’t know. I’m going to try to use next month to start writing again. I finished something really big then I stopped, but I want to get back to writing again. I’m going to make that my goal next month. I hope everyone had a good July! Now let’s begin!

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Fiction: The Season of Change

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Hello! I’m sorry for dropping off the wagon last month! I forgot that May had 31 days and I didn’t expect to be so busy that day that I would forget to make a post! I should look into setting up a post for the end of the month in case I’m going to be busy. Anyway, let’s jump right back into Sam and Ed! Now this is where the story changes. These two will be exploring taking their friendship to another level while they try to figure out what they want to do in their future.

I have more characters too that I might post throughout the month. I know I said I’m trying to get back into New Home and I am. I think writing some prompts involving the characters might help or just taking the month to work on the chapter I started so I can post it then take some steps to move forward.

Another thing I’m going to do is have a buy me a coffee button at the end of each post. While I do have a job that job begins in the fall. It’s not a necessary thing, but I would appreciate it so much! Okay enough talking time to post!

Enjoy! I hope everyone’s May and June was good. Mine was good, just busy!

Continue reading “Fiction: The Season of Change”

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Fiction: Bummer Summer

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Hello! We’re here at another End of the Month fiction post! Unfortunately I didn’t get a chance to write the next chapter of New Home like I wanted to, but there is always the next month! So we’ll see what happens then, for now we’re going to continue with Sam and Ed while they were children. This piece is about how Ed feels while he’s on vacation which can follow up Sam’s story: Bored. I hope everyone has a good month! Now onto the story!

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Fiction: Bored

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Hello! Here we are at another end of month post! I think next month I’m going to do another piece that features Cass and her childhood, but for now I’m going to do another one about Sam. Reading over these little pieces is easing me back into everything. The goal for April is to have a chapter out for the main universe! Until then, here’s a piece about Sam’s summer while Ed went on vacation. Enjoy!

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